Monika Barkley

I went to Wake Heart in Raleigh with the blessing of my local doctors. They just could not believe the damage to my heart. I had every test possible. The final diagnosis was that I had an Ascending Aortic Aneursym, the Aortic Arch was beginning to enlarge. I had Congestive Heart Failure! I had a catherization and that showed very clean veins. Dr. Tift Mann who performed my catheterization told me on the cath table that had I NOT maintained a healthy lifestyle and fitness level that I had since 2004 that I would not have survived the damage that my heart had suffered. Thank you Dr. Mann! What could not be figured out was if a blood clot in my lung went through my heart or I contracted a myocarditis in Puerto Vallarta. It took three months for them to figure out what to do with me. During that three months I was housebound and driven everywhere I needed to go by my Mommy! Thank God my office is next to my house. I could at least keep my mind busy by working!

Wake finally said surgery was the only option but they could not do it because they did not have the equipment I needed if my heart did not come off of by-pass. Even if they did it would be a 20% mortality risk.

I thought I was going to die for sure when my doctors at Wake sent me to Duke (HELLO….. I AM A KENTUCKY WILDCAT). I did thank them for having the professional courtesy with Duke to send me there. I immediately began to have nightmares of Christian Laettner stomping me on my chest after surgery. Then, my own travelling team (family) of five Wildcats would immediately give Laettner the Intentional, at Duke, that he so richly deserved, at Rupp, in ‘94. (Did I tell you I have also been diagnosed with March Madness?!)

Dr. Carmelo Milano, performed my surgery. He was so non chalant when he did my initial examination it was like ehh we do this everyday 5% risk. Let’s get you on the schedule. My intense fear subsided immediately. I thank GOD everyday for sending me to Duke (ok, I’ll admit it but I still bleed UK Blue). Dr. Milano and his team replaced my aortic valve with a mechanical valve, placed a dacron sleeve into the ascending aorta, removed part of the aortic arch to the first carotid artery. I went into total heart block, which is a risk of surgery, so one week later I had the ICD implanted. They proceeded to implant the pacemaker/defibrillator after my desperate plea and promises to Dr. Milano and his fellow that I would move to Utah, become a mormom and make them both my next ex-husbands if they didn’t give me a pacemaker (they had very good drugs in ICU), just good enough to say really stupid stuff but not good enough to make you forget you said it!

There are four memories I will never forget. These were very brief moments throughout the two weeks plus I was at Duke. They are forever in my heart because they are moments I wanted to give up. I just could not bear the pain anymore. The second night after surgery I was in ICU sleeping soundly (or so I thought). All of a sudden I hear an alarm go off and I woke up to see what was going on in ICU. Lo and behold there are a team of nurses on duty and the night doctor running into my room because I had coded. HELLO…. I am fine and I am awake please do not electrocute me. I have no idea how long that went on but as the nurses left the room I was chastised soundly for giving them a scare and “don’t do that to us again, Monika?!” I coded, even typing that, I coded, just blows me away! To this date I am confused as to what actually happened because how can I wake up in the middle of me coding and the alarm still sounding and watching the Code Blue team run into my room WHILE I AM AWAKE AND WATCHING THEM?!

The love and support from my family is what gave me the will to fight through the couple minutes it took to get through the pain of one more incident or episode. They gave me the “Mastery Over Impulse” to hang on and fight. That is where my new motto: never give up….. never give in began.

These moments in time are when my brother was in ICU with me and the team of doctors came in to test my heart to see if it would beat on its own. They had tried it a few times and that “sinking feeling” when they turned off the temporary pacemaker was horrible and something I absolutely dreaded. (ya think?!) The pacemaker wire was sewn to the top of my leg and disgusting enough to look at. Then there was this little shoebox attached to the wire that reminded me of a Nintendo. Turn it down and I would die - turn it up and I would live. Ronny, my brother, stayed in ICU with me during one of the tests and squeezed my hand as hard as I was squeezing his. He made me FEEL that I was going to get through that and he was there for me even when I had that sinking feeling and was about to pass out. Ronny held on and made me fight.

The second memory is that I had IV’s all over my body. I was beyond the stage of a pincushion. I felt like a dart board. I had IV’s from my arms to my legs, to the swanz ganz in my neck. What used to be healthy, hearty veins went into hiding anytime a needle came within five feet of my body. By the time I was out of ICU and moved to the telemetry floor my veins acted like a house plant when I shop at Lowe’s (I’m dead do NOT come near me - leave the premises NOW!!!) Dracula came into my room to draw blood and my veins would have nothing to do with it. After the third attempt to find a vein the pain was so overwhelming I just bawled. Ingrid, my sister, came over and just squeezed my head and face into her chest and hid me from the pain this man was giving me until he could draw what little blood was needed. I will never forget her just holding me and protecting me and making it all ok.

The third moment was during the night. It was the last night my niece, Erika, was in Durham before flying home to Kentucky. She spent the night in the recliner next to my bed. I remember waking up and looking over at Erika and she was asleep. I felt such peace knowing she was there. It also brought back the memory ten years prior June 25, 1997 . I spent the night in ICU with my dad. I slept in the recliner next to his bed. I woke up during the night and my feet was in his face in his bed and I was hanging halfway out of the recliner so I moved. When I lay there watching Erika I wondered if my dad ever woke up for a moment or two that night and saw that I was there next to him and he drifted back to sleep feeling as comforted as I was knowing Erika was there next to me. My dad passed away the next day, June 26, 1997, after undergoing his own heart surgery - Trans MyoCardial Re-Vascularization.

I know the Lord only gives me what I can handle so He knew that I was unable to handle finding out that I had suffered a heart attack during surgery in August of ‘07 until February ‘08. My cardiologist thought he saw some scar tissue in the upper chamber of my heart in January. The scar tissue (and heart attack) was confirmed after a Cardio Lite Stress Test was performed. What was also confirmed in this test is that my ejection fraction has gone from 15% to an incredible 48% (remember normal is 55%). Thank you Lord I just found out last week (July ‘08) that my body was frozen during surgery to keep me from stroking out, my heart was removed FROM MY BODY to have its own Extreme Makeover, then replaced. Truly, I do not think I could have handled that tidbit of information any sooner then last week.

JJ Virgin prepared me for surgery in 2007 just as she did during the makeover. She really is my guardian angel! This truly brings tears to my eyes sometimes because I am so thankful for her, Robert Reames (who called often and advised me when I was in cardiac rehab and started back in the gym in March 2008), Dr. Phil (HELLO) and Dr. Lawlis (who helped me so much because I was an emotional basket case). There is nothing I would not do for them because I truly owe them my life! Dr. Phil’s Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge in 2003 literally prepared my body/mind to face and not only survive but thrive the toughest challenge I have ever and hopefully will ever face in my life.

And, yes, Sam and I are still married. He was such a butt to me for years with the wideload comments and ridicule but he showed what he really is made of. He basically stopped his world so he could take care of me and get me through the surgery. Now that I’m feeling better it is my turn to reciprocate and let Sam relax and enjoy life because I realize life can change on a dime. If you have a goal (as mine has been since Dr. Phil’s weight loss challenge ended in 2004 to pursue fitness and nutrition as a career) to not put off one day working on your goal because you do not know if you have that next day to put off taking steps towards achieving your goal for yet another day.

My goal has changed as have I since my devastating illness. I want to incorporate what I have faced in rehabilitation since my illness and surgery. How I am having to change my nutrition and fitness with the surgery and medications (specifically nutritional issues and Coumadin and controlling my intake of Vitamin K to keep my blood pt level between 2 - 3). Dr. Phil saved my life and gave me the passion to share what he and his A-Team taught me in losing the weight and keeping it off and now working with a new team to get educated on ultimate nutrition, fitness and living an abundant life beyond what not only I thought was capable for myself but every doctor that has worked with me in the last year!

Never give in and Never give up……. especially on yourself!